The Diary of One, Draco Malfoy
by HPIsHowIRoll
Summary: So, a certain girlfriend of mine gave me this journal for my birthday. Since she’s the one in charge of all things pleasurable, I figure it’d be in my best interest to write in it. HGDM
1. All Things Pleasurable

So, a certain girlfriend of mine gave me this journal for my birthday.

Since she's the one in charge of all things pleasurable, I figure it'd be in my best interest to write in it.

But what about?

I suppose, since my girlfriend is the one who gave this to me, I can tell you how we got together.

On one condition.

You have to promise you won't tell _anyone._

Not even your little journal friends.

Because, as of now, our relationship is **top secret**.

See, she's not exactly what Mum and Dad have in mind for me.

But that can wait, because we have a great getting-together story, really.

So, it was our seventh year, right, and both of us were frightfully alone.

Her friends were off doing God-knows-what to save wizarding kind.

Mine were, let's face it, all Death Eaters.

I had managed to stay at school by telling my parents that I wanted to finish my education more than anything in the world.

They believed me.

So, since I was so frightfully alone (as I may have pointed out earlier), I spent a lot of time at the lake, thinking.

Yes, Malfoys think.

No, they do not admit it.

Except to journals.

Because journals can't talk.

Or they get lit on fire.

Ahem.

Back to the story.

I was sitting at the lake, as per usual those days, and out of nowhere, I was joined by a certain bushy haired know it all.

I don't think she saw me at first, or else she wouldn't have sat down.

But as fate would have it, she sat near me, looking as alone as I felt.

Usually, this would be the point where I mocked her shamelessly, but I was rather lonely.

I think it's expected for someone who is completely alone in their seventh year dorm to be lonely, though I must say that the accommodations seem much nicer when there's only one bed.

So anyway, instead of torturing the mudblood, which I no longer called her, by the way, I decided to strike up a civilized conversation.

She, apparently, did not understand my intentions.

She actually hexed me before she realized that I was being serious.

So, we began talking. I think we started first with why we were here and they were gone.

She thought I was deep because I called us, "The Abandoned".

I will go for deep more often, if it gets me what I got from that.

Her eyes went all starry and she looked at me like she was looking at me for the first time.

Then, everything went to hell.

The giant squid chose that moment in time to make its appearance, and effectively kidnap Granger.

Just when I was sure I was going to get kissed!

Except, at that point, I didn't admit it to myself, because Malfoys don't like mudbloods.

Now, I can say with certainty, that Malfoys didn't know what they were missing.

Anyway, I have to finish the story or you'll think Granger was eaten.

That would be weird, dating someone from within the belly of the giant squid.

Precisely why I should continue!

So, in a bout of heroism rivaling that of Potter facing off with Voldy-kins, I dove in after my soon to be beloved.

I even got my hair wet.

I swam as deep as I could, but couldn't find her.

Perhaps this is because I have lungs and the giant squid does not.

I came up, gasping for air, and decided that it was time to employ something I never thought I'd use.

I transfigured a nearby rock into a muggle oxygen tank, complete with mask.

Don't ask me how I knew what one was.

You would only be disturbed.

I know Hermione was.

Anyway.

Now equipped with a way to breathe, I dove once more in search of Hermione.

I found her in the arms of the giant squid, and it looked like it was stroking her.

We later concluded that the squid either wanted a child or a lover.

We are not sure which would be less creepy.

As it was, I had to get Hermione away from the dreaded monster.

I pried her from the arms of the beast, in the most flattering and heroic manner, of course.

Hermione said I looked like a bumbling baboon, but I don't think she was conscious, so her opinion doesn't count.

I am personally inclined to think that she made it up just so she could kiss my anger away.

Ahem.

Back to the point at hand.

I pulled her up to the shore and to safety, except for the fact that she wasn't breathing.

Which adds to my point that she was unconscious while I struggled with the giant squid, but I digress.

Fortunately for me, and probably for my more favorite boy parts, I knew that "_ennervate" _would serve just as well as the muggle life saving technique I had seen.

Again, you really don't want to know.

Upon waking, Hermione was so overcome with gratitude that she kissed me right on the lips.

And they haven't really parted from hers since…

* * *

This was, without a doubt, the most random story I've ever written. I don't know where it came from. I was actually writing a blog when I thought about Malfoy writing a blog... only, they don't have computers, so it'd be a journal... anyway, long story short, you get this from it. If you like it, tell me, and I may continue with more entries.


	2. So Be It

Journal, I think it's time.

Time for what, you are asking, because you are merely a journal, and journals can't read minds.

Mwaha, don't you wish you knew, journal!

I don't think I'll tell you.

Ha.

Hmmm...

I'm taunting my journal.

Perhaps now would be the time to move on and pretend it never happened.

That would be best, I believe.

So, I think it's time.

Time for what, you ask, because as we have already decided, you are not omnipotent.

I think it's time for the world to know that Draco Malfoy is dating Hermione Granger.

I also think it's time for Hermione Granger to know something as well…

That Draco Malfoy is in love with her.

It's a difficult concept to follow, I know.

It was hard for me to accept as well.

I had this tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever she was around, and I just couldn't place it.

I found myself no longer only wanting to make out with her, but to listen to her conversation.

I read up on it in the library, this feeling, and I was forced to diagnose myself with…

You guessed it…

Love.

I am a love-sick fool, head over heels in love, and it's maddening.

I would do anything for this girl.

I've never been vulnerable to anyone.

Now, I am.

So.

I have decided that I am going to tell her and Hogwarts in one swoop.

This is where you come in journal.

I need a place to decide how I am going to do it.

And, of course, someone to tell me if it's completely bonkers.

You don't talk though.

Hmmm.

Well, at least I am going to be able to decide how to do it here.

I'm thinking of getting up and standing on the Slytherin table…

Or perhaps striding over to the Gryffindor one?

And reading off a list.

A list of reasons why I love one, Hermione Granger.

And then she'll swoon,

And everyone else will know.

Hopefully Potter gets one up on Voldy-kins soon…

Or not only will my Hogwarts reputation be shot to hell because I am whipped,

But I will be hunted down upon leaving Hogwarts, and most likely killed.

Gulp.

But again, it's all for the greater good.

Snogging in public is a dream of mine, you see.

I would just love to be able to walk down the hall hand in hand with Granger.

So if it takes declaring my undying love in front of the whole school,

So be it.

* * *

So there it is! Just a short little drabbly second entry from our hero, Draco Malfoy. In case you hadn't noticed, this is leading up to a third entry, because I got lots of requests for more. Hopefully the next one will be up within a day or so. Review!


	3. I'll Get Help Next Time

Seriously, journal, we need to have a talk.

You really have to tell me from now on when I'm about to make an idiot out of myself.

Here I was thinking that professing my love for Granger in public was a good idea.

You said nothing to stop me, knowing what a horrible idea it was!

Granted, you have no mouth.

Or brain.

So I suppose you can be forgiven… this time.

But let's not let it happen again, okay?

I have a reputation to uphold,

Though at the moment it is looking rather bleak.

Here's what happened.

I stroll into the Great Hall and look around for my Sweetness.

Let's not tell anyone I call her that though, shall we?

I'm embarrassed enough as it is.

Ahem.

So I stroll in and spot my Love Kitten.

(also a nickname we are not sharing)

I walk over to her table and she is shocked.

Freakin' shocked.

I mean, granted, we had not been exchanging insults since we had gotten together,

But contact in public was over the line, you know?

My terms, not hers.

So she was taken aback by my choice to go see her at her table,

Though she looked happy about it.

Then, she became thoroughly _unhappy_ about it.

I have no idea why.

I suppose it could have been when I got up on the table.

I mentioned this idea in my last entry, you know.

You could have given me some sort of inkling that it was a bad idea.

But I digress.

I stand up on the table and she's mortified,

Though I take it for pleasantly surprised that her beloved is about to make a profession of undying love in front of the entire school.

Did I mention that this was wrong?

I begin my list.

I also mentioned the list last time.

Another idea you really should have squelched.

The whole plan was a bad idea.

Perhaps we should have let everyone get used to the idea by acting friendly first.

As it was, well… they were shocked.

But back to my list.

"Attention, Hogwarts." I say, sounding very dignified, I think.

"The following are the reasons why I love Hermione Granger.

1. She always smells good.

2. I can hide love notes in her hair.

3. She does not hesitate to tell me when I'm wrong.

4. The way she kisses.

5. The fact that she is willing to kiss me.

6. Her lips are always very soft.

7. So is her hair, despite its bushy appearance.

8. When I hold her hand, mine tingles.

9. This feeling I have in the pit of my stomach which, according to my research in the library, is love.

10. She is the opposite of everything I ever thought she was, except for brilliant."

I got down, preparing for cheers and a smooch from my woman.

I got neither.

Hermione laughed at me.

Seriously.

How could you laugh at an amazing list like that?

I found out the hard way that my list was not romantic.

So sue me, I've never done this before!

The cheers that I didn't hear…

They were actually stunned silence.

No one moved a muscle for a full five minutes except Hermione who,

As I embarrassingly stated before,

Was laughing.

I finally got her to calm down and asked her why she was laughing.

With tears in her eyes she told me that she loved me

Aha!

My heart leapt once more.

The first time she'd said I love you!

Someone loved me… that was amazing.

But…

She'd said it whilst laughing.

I couldn't decide whether this was a good or bad thing.

By this time, I was quite angry with myself,

And with my damned journal.

Slowly I was figuring out that perhaps killing two birds with one stone was a bad idea.

Perhaps I should have told her first,

Then decided to tell the school.

As this was dawning on me, Hermione was calming down.

"Aww, I suppose you meant well." She said.

And she kissed me.

In front of the entire school!

Maybe it wasn't a bad idea looking back on it…

But I should have probably gotten some help with my list.

Next time, I'll just have her help me write it.


End file.
